Aphorisms

Just for the sheer, unadulterated hell of it, I’ll put some aphorisms of mine here. They may alternately amuse, disgust, or bore you.

• You may measure twice before cutting once, but if you cut too fast, you’ll still chop off your thumb.

• In life, choose a path to take and GO; the simpleton who stays at the intersection, awed at the number of choices, does nothing.

• Never wish to have someone else’s life. You have no idea what it’s like, and once you’re there, you probably would want to go back.

• If you find yourself saying, “Ah, I could never do that,” slap yourself and just go do it. It’s your life – live it with authority.

• No matter how much fun work is, friends are your number one priority.

• Money is meaningless. You will find yourself denying your soul as you deny this statement.

• Open as many doors as possible for yourself, but don’t forget all of the ones you’ve opened — maybe after you get your PhD you really do want to work as a garbageman. Do it!

• Find people who stimulate you and make you feel alive. Hang out with them often. Find others like that.

• Dance yourself stupid.

• Always assume other people are intelligent and likeable. Make them have to work hard to negate this assertion. Without faith in the human race, you will lead a very miserable life.

• 100% of all relationships either end in a breakup or death. So if you’re single, don’t pine too much to be in one. Just enjoy.

• Go light on the liquor. In the long run, it’ll only make your life more depressing and less significant.

• Caffeine is the only mind-altering drug worth taking on a regular basis. =)